The city I very nearly relocated myself to, this past spring.
I have those same, caged feelings again. Feelings of being trapped, held against my will.
I hate my life, I day dream of escaping on an almost daily basis.
I spent 3 months researching Evans, it's population, crime rate, education and employment statistics.
What kept me here? Here in my caged prison?
My children.
It was not my secret lover man, whom I have been seeing for an entire year now, nor was it my husband who I can barely stand to be in the same room with.
It was my children.
I found myself scanning through the paper again this morning. So many apartments out there, I just wish I could bring myself to leaving. Part of me is scared, scared for what will happen. I no longer have that cushy high paying job I once had. Can I afford to live on my own? It terrifies me to consider bringing my children into an environment where their basic human needs could not be met.
Thoughts to ponder, I suppose.
For the moment, I will find my escape within the naughty little trysts I secretly enjoy as my life slips by.
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I'm the lady who lives next door, the woman in line behind you at the grocery store, your good friend at work. Just like you, I have my secrets too.
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3 comments:
I completely understand that feeling. I also have my times where I believe my children are better off without me. But, I know the pain I would cause them by leaving can never be fixed. So, we stay. The position I have is that I am unable to support them financially, and while husband supports us all at this point, I doubt there would be enough child support paid to bridge the gap. Dr. Phil says that children are very perceptive and would rather come from a broken home than live in one. I wonder is that true?
I think it's an opinion, actually. Happy? Unhappy? Are they really as unhappy as you? I don't know.....
I don't believe my children are unhappy. Yet. I am afraid to make them unhappy and am not sure what path would do that to them.
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