Depression

Since R has begun his latest project in Atlanta things seem to have steadily gone downhill for me.

I miss him so much, way too much. And, I've broken things off with him, telling him to finish his project, we'll see where things are at when he is back full time.

What was I thinking??

Now I am alone, with the exception of J, my play thing. I tease him, string him along, yet he continues to stay right there, right where I want him.

I was sitting at my desk today, head in my hands for a moment, wondering just what the hell it is I'm doing with my life, when he appeared, pulling out a chair to sit down next to me.

"You ok today?" he placed his left hand on my back, leaning in to hear what I had to say.

"Yes, I was just thinking," I could feel myself staring absently into his eyes.

"You're presentation went very well this morning," he was smiling, trying to reassure me. "Oh, the coffee, yum yum!"

"I didn't know what kind you liked. It was bold, I told the lady behind the counter you looked like a bold kind of guy," smiling, finally, something had gotten my mind off of R.

"Bold, huh...." puffing out his chest, I could see the machismo building in his ego.

My back was growing warm where his hand rested upon it, giggling, I leaned into him just a touch more. "Such a comic, you can always make me smile."

"I wish you would let me do more then just make you smile," sliding his hand from my back to my shoulder, he squeezed it quickly then stood.

My old self would have taken him up on the offer in a heart beat. I want my old self back.