Saturday, April 14, 2007

Can pregnant be sexy?

Perhaps I have too much time on my hands tonight.... I find myself sitting here, depressed, shopping online for maternity wear.

At just 10 weeks I'm already outgrowing all of my clothing. It is visibly apparent I'm sporting a baby bump, I can only imagine what I'm going to look like full term.

I have often wondered what men think when they see a pregnant woman. In the case of my husband, he always seen me as 'untouchable'. He treated me like glass, careful and delicate, afraid the slightest touch would do harm. I found myself always wanting more, a firm touch, passionate sex, the feeling of lustful desire.

The urges do not disappear just because a life is growing within you, in fact, they become more intense.

I worry about what lies before me and how my life will undoubtedly change.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

It is Official

I am with child.

As much as I dreaded the thought, I ended up telling T about the pregnancy on Friday. So many things passed through my mind as I was doing so, my emotions have gotten the better of me these past few weeks I must say.

Then I slept with him.

I have no idea what I was thinking......

As I was laying on the bed, my back to his retreating form, he called to me over his shoulder as he entered the bathroom. He had asked me if I was certain I was pregnant because I had started bleeding while we were having sex.

Disbelief in my voice, I asked him if he were sure. Pointing out a bloody penis to me, he told me he was sure. Instant terror gripped me, he seemed completely unconcerned. I have not heard from him since.

It was the vigorous sex that had caused the bleeding, I'm quite certain. I have not exhibied the bleeding since.

Even the smartest and best of us make unwise decisions at time.

One thing about Friday did make me smile, however. In an email conversation with J I had revealed I was praying for a girl this time. He had replied back that he hoped it would be a girl too and that she would inherit my beautiful laugh.

I do miss J more then he knows.