Wednesday

I lusted for you, as I watched you, as I spoke with you....

A warm heat traveled the length of my body as my fingers delved between the delicate folds of sensitive skin, lightly stroking my aroused clit.

I pictured you, naked, hardened cock thrusting inside me.....

You stroked your cock for me, I envied you. I longed to be the reason for your arousal, the reason for your release. I longed to run my tongue up the length of your cock and taste the precum accumulating at the tip.

I longed to feel you pulsing inside me as you climaxed.....

The urgent, overwhelming need for you enveloped me, my arousal visible by the ever increasing wet spot developing on the soft pink fabric between my legs.

I adore the way I lust for you.

Wednesday

I had sex with the New Guy in the middle of his living room on the carpet this afternoon.

It was our first time.

I'm not sure what to think about him yet, he is sooooo attractive but his intelligence is limited. This is a tough one for me, I find an intelligent man so very appealing, I can say with quite a bit of certainty that I would probably choose an average looking intelligent man over an unintelligent GQ model any day.

He told me my skin was soft, that I had beautiful eyes, that I was an excellent kisser....

His actions had told me he wanted me to go down on him but I wasn't ready to do that yet, which is odd for me. I tend to be the type of woman who picks up on cues like that and submits to them.

I'm not as attracted to him as he is to me.

Sitting on his couch with my legs spread, he knelt before me, arms around me, cock pressed between my legs gently rubbing against me. He was hard, there was no mistaking it. We kissed for a long moment.

"Look at me," he requested. I opened my eyes, he was gazing intently at me, his face close enough to my own that I could feel his breath upon my lips.

I felt unnerved that he kissed with his eyes open, I felt unnerved that he, on several occasions, requested I look at him. Even during sex he wanted me to look at him.

I guess I can't understand this logic. My mind is on auto pilot when it comes to this kind of thing, certain habits are so very hard to break.

Closing my eyes would be one of those habits.

I think perhaps he may be vain, wanting to feel admired and ogled. He is a very muscular man, it is plain to see he lifts weights. He also takes great pains to keep his body hair to a minimum. I have never met a man who grooms his chest hair, and I sincerely mean he grooms his chest hair. Not only does he keep it trimmed but he uses clippers on it as well.

I am perplexed, I suppose.

On the one hand I find myself greatly attracted to T, who I might as well say is the exact opposite of the New Guy. Short, a little on the heavy side, not attractive, but he is so very smart. I can't understand how I can find myself so attracted to someone who is all of these qualities and married to boot and not be attracted to a single, body building, attractive man because I feel he has limited intellect.

I let him cum inside me, he was a little discouraged that he was unable to bring me to orgasm first. His hands were on either side of me, cupping the back of my head. As odd as this sounds, I felt scrunched when he came, each hand grasping a handful of hair pulling my head back slightly as he pushed in fiercely with his cock, holding this position for several moments.

His cum oozed out of me as he finally withdrew.

And ooze it did, thick and white, a spot the size of a quarter was on the carpet where I had previously lain.

I'm left wondering if any future meetings with him would be this awkward.

Wednesday

At T's request, I met with him in his new office.

Even though I promised myself there would be no sex involved, there was sex.

I'm surprised I haven't been turned to ash as punishment by God in a savage lightning strike of some kind.

I certainly deserve it.

The visit had started out innocently enough. I called T from my car after class on Wednesday, he requested I stop by to visit with him, it had been over a year since I had last spent any time with him. (With the exception of the brief conversation outside the social security office.)

We talked about our daughter, her birth, my pregnancy, my plans for the future. Even though I didn't say anything, I had noticed how much his appearance had changed. His hair was beginning to grey, he had put on some weight.

T had noticed how much I had changed as well. Gone was my long hair, I am now sporting a chic new shorter hairstyle that he had immediately noticed and commented several times on how pretty it looked. I purposely wore one of my nicest, sexiest outfits just to torture him.

It worked.

Maybe a little too well.... After talking for several moments he had stood up and walked over to me, leaning down, "I'm sorry [woman with a secret], I can't help how much I'm attracted to you." His right hand had cupped my left breast as he gently kissed my lips.

I turned away, but he did not relent. His lips had resumed the gentle kissing upon my neck and ear. .

I could not resist.

Before I knew it I was kissing him in return, stroking his cock with the palm of my hand. The sound of footsteps could be heard outside his door, but I did not care. Placing my hands upon his shoulders, I pulled him down to me and moaned to him I wanted more.

I wanted him to fuck me.

Smiling, he asked me what I wanted him to do, then kissed me gently on the back of the neck.

"I want you to take your pants off," I quietly demanded. In a second his pants were gone, along with any underwear he had been wearing. Taking his balls in one hand, I stroked the bare skin of his cock with the other as he kissed the top of my head.

"Let's have sex, baby," he begged me. I stood before him, my mind clouded with lust, and removed my boots while T removed my pants. His hand stroked my pussy gently through the thin material of my panties as I once again took my seat, this time sliding my fanny up to the edge of the chair.

With one leg positioned on the chair next to me, T knelt before me, pulling my panties to the side and sliding his hard cock in as far as it would go.

Damn it if I couldn't get enough of him!

I wanted so much more. With each thrust I wanted yet another one, I wrapped my right leg about his waist pulling him to me, kissed him passionately as he held me tight. My chair slid back several inches when he had begged me to cum for him, when his secretary had knocked at the locked door.

"[T]?" she was wondering what he was up to.

"Just a second," stopping momentarily, it was barely noticeable in his response that he was at the height of arousal. Except to me. I could hear it, the way he had to clear his throat twice before he answered her, the way his voice cracked during the word 'just'.

My chair slid back dramatically this time as he emptied his cock inside me. For a long moment he rested, his cock throbbing deep inside me.

"I'm going to have to go, you know. I think you have a client," I kissed his cheek as he withdrew from me, then quickly dressed and left.

I can't understand why I continue to punish myself like this.... Why do I always want the things I can not have?

The New Guy

I caught a glimpse of him staring in my direction.

He is such a beautiful man......

His bright brown eyes danced in the light of the sun. Pretending to be unaware, I accidentally 'catch' his gaze with my own, then smile shyly, sweetly. He smiles in return.

"Hi there," he is leaning down to speak quietly in my ear, his left hand is resting upon my shoulder.

"Hi," I return. His scent is absolutely captivating.

I can feel my face growing warm, blushing, unable to stop. Looking away, nervous tension prevents me from looking into his eyes.

Slowly making it's way from my shoulder to my ass, his palm cups my rear as we retreat to have a few drinks.

Playing with Fire

I have lost my mind, God help me, I can't imagine what I'm thinking!

I have been in contact with T for a couple of weeks now. It all started when we accidentally seen each other outside his office.

Last summer I decided to get a new car, something good on gas, something with a low payment because, as we all know, I lost my job in November. The only thing is, I know very little about it, still, even after 6 months of driving it, and end up 'discovering' a little perk to the car when I least expect it.

So, there I was, sitting outside the Social Security office trying to fenagle a diaper bag, a purse, a portfolio containing identification information to allow me to apply for my daughter's social security card, and a baby carrier when I accidentally hit the door lock button on the key chain. Not realizing the button had been pushed, I tried to open the driver's side door one more time to grasp a paper from the front seat.

Instant chaos.

Apparently the car is equipped with an anti theft device of some sort and when I tried to open the door the horn started blowing LOUDLY.

I had no idea what to do next. With my arms full I fumbled around with the key chain and ended up dropping it on the ground along with the portfolio containing all my documents. By now my daughter had started crying and I was about to cry myself when I felt a hand tap my shoulder and turned to find T handing me my car keys.

"Oh my God, what are you doing here?" I looked down at the baby carrier, my mind went completely blank.

"That's my office over there," he said, pointing across the street. "I got a promotion, I'm now working with outpatient services." His eyes had now averted down to the baby carrier. "I've been watching you for the past couple of minutes.... Is that her?"

"Yes." I could barely hear myself, my only instinct was to flee. Somehow I managed to get the car horn to stop and collect myself enough to think clearly again.

"[woman with a secret], I was scared. I didn't know what to do..... I haven't been able to get you off my mind. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you over here." He seemed so genuine, he was still staring at the tiny pink bundle in the baby carrier.

"I was scared too. I think it may be hard for you, but imagine how I feel. She is going to be with me for the rest of my life, I can't just turn my back and imagine she doesn't exist." T's eyes were beginning to tear. Remorse was beginning to set in on my part.

"I'm so sorry [woman with a secret]. I would give anything to see her," he was pleading with his eyes now, his brow creased.

Carefully pulling the blanket aside, I allowed him to see her tiny little face, asleep with her right hand next to her face.

"Oh my God she's beautiful. I can't believe how beautiful she is...." he stared at her, knelt down before her, for the longest time.

I have been in contact with T ever since. While that has been the only time I've actually seen him, we have talked nearly every day.

I know this is the last thing on earth I should be doing, but, God help me, I can't stop myself.

What do you do.....

when your sex life is non existent?

I'm becoming depressed. I can feel the weight of the world baring down on me, oppressive and cruel. It has been a few years since I've felt this way, I had almost forgotten how sad my life could truly be.

I spend my days with my new daughter now that I'm not working, at least the days in which I don't have class.

I long to find the right man to be with, but I haven't the courage to do so.