Through the corner of my eye.....

...I saw him standing, naked, before his bedroom window.

He is my next door neighbor, I've met him only once.

Without hesitation he turned and faced me as I drove past his window in the early morning darkness.

Could he see me openly staring at him?

My thoughts immediately switched to sex, sex with him in particular. What I wouldn't have given for a ride on that long, hard, chiseled cock I was fantasizing about.

And the glass was half empty......

I'm working late tonight, I do most nights anymore. I don't want to go home. The sound of a pen clicking a few cubicles down has been driving me crazy for the past 5 minutes.

The bull pen is so empty these days..... Most of my coworkers have already found new employment, but a handful of us still remain. I look at them and wonder, at times, what will become of them. For 11 years I've worked with most of them, it's sad to see our final days have drawn close.

I still can't believe, even after all my company has been through, that they have made the decision to close down my plant.

I'm fairly certain I couldn't get more miserable.

Physically miserable with pregnancy related aches and pains, emotionally miserable at the thought that I shall soon be pregnant and jobless, miserable right to the core living a life that I don't want to live.

I feel alone.

The funny thing is, nobody notices. I smile my fake smile and spread my pretend cheer, I listen to others as they reveal their problems to me, I offer support even when I'm so overwhelmed I can barely breathe.

The Lure of a Pregnant Belly

I find it completely unnerving how people want to 'touch' my belly all the time.

By 'touch' I mean stand before me with both hands groping and feeling my belly for several moments in hopes of feeling movement of some kind.

All of this, I might add, without even one request for consent.

Thank God I have only 2 more months to go.

This morning I was approached by one of my fellow coworkers, a 350lb dufus who is not only completely unable to keep his pants around his waist but also unable to find a t-shirt to cover his ginormous belly.

Immediately he is inquiring about my health, telling me how pregnant women are the most beautiful creatures on earth.

If I could have, I would have completely disappeared from the face of the earth.

I smiled, thanked him for the compliment, and tried my best to escape to my desk.

Just the thought of him laying a finger on me is enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

I'm Back

Because I have used this blog as an outlet to my thoughts, fears, and experiences, I feel as thought I need to once again utilize my one and only means of unburdening my soul.

I am now 7 months pregnant, and completely miserable. I carry the secret of my child's birth father with me, and probably will for the rest of my life. I am unable to, make that unwilling to contact him, for any reason, a fact that has probably made the birth fathers life increasingly easy.

Unfortunately it has made my life a complete misery. With the identity of my child's father a complete mystery to everyone, it has become an unending quest for anyone who knows me to unconsciously pull any form of information that may lead to an answer from me.

I have become quite ingenioius with my responses, I must say. To date, my best response came last week. One of my good friends, a flaming gay engineer who I work with, and I were chatting with the receptionist in the front office when she asked me, quite bluntly, who the father was.

"Why, it's D, here, didn't you hear?" I replied, placing my head on his shoulder. The look on her face was priceless, but, I must say, the look on D's face was even better.

Odd as it is to say, I have grown to respect my friendship with J. While he and I had only the brief fling, he has remained my friend through this all. Emailing me regularly to ask me about 'his critter', I know he feels genuine concern, something nobody else does. I do find it odd, however, that he always refers to my child as his own.

Perhaps he wishes it could be......

Alas the cards were not stacked in that direction. A harlott I can be, but I would not break up anothers marriage for my own sake. If J were to become single, once again, I would entertain the thought. As long as he is married, however, I must stay hands off, I respect our friendship much to much to cause such pain and turmoil.

I do not hear from R at all anymore. It is my own doing, that I know. I pushed him away, and, away he went. I sometimes wonder just how things would have turned out had I went to Atlana with him, when he had asked me.

I try my best not to dwell.

But it's so hard, I think of him often.

I think of R when I'm sitting at home, wondering why in the heck, as I watch my husband, did I take my husband back? I am miserable with him, yet I allowed him back into my life.

Was I scared?

Was I lonely?

I can't explain it.

I do know he needs me more then I will ever need him. He clings to me, I feel, because I am strong. He feeds on my strength.

Our sex life is non existant, I am aware that I will undoubtedly find a new playmate once this child has been born.

This time, I will be much more aware of what I'm doing.

Can pregnant be sexy?

Perhaps I have too much time on my hands tonight.... I find myself sitting here, depressed, shopping online for maternity wear.

At just 10 weeks I'm already outgrowing all of my clothing. It is visibly apparent I'm sporting a baby bump, I can only imagine what I'm going to look like full term.

I have often wondered what men think when they see a pregnant woman. In the case of my husband, he always seen me as 'untouchable'. He treated me like glass, careful and delicate, afraid the slightest touch would do harm. I found myself always wanting more, a firm touch, passionate sex, the feeling of lustful desire.

The urges do not disappear just because a life is growing within you, in fact, they become more intense.

I worry about what lies before me and how my life will undoubtedly change.

It is Official

I am with child.

As much as I dreaded the thought, I ended up telling T about the pregnancy on Friday. So many things passed through my mind as I was doing so, my emotions have gotten the better of me these past few weeks I must say.

Then I slept with him.

I have no idea what I was thinking......

As I was laying on the bed, my back to his retreating form, he called to me over his shoulder as he entered the bathroom. He had asked me if I was certain I was pregnant because I had started bleeding while we were having sex.

Disbelief in my voice, I asked him if he were sure. Pointing out a bloody penis to me, he told me he was sure. Instant terror gripped me, he seemed completely unconcerned. I have not heard from him since.

It was the vigorous sex that had caused the bleeding, I'm quite certain. I have not exhibied the bleeding since.

Even the smartest and best of us make unwise decisions at time.

One thing about Friday did make me smile, however. In an email conversation with J I had revealed I was praying for a girl this time. He had replied back that he hoped it would be a girl too and that she would inherit my beautiful laugh.

I do miss J more then he knows.

An End

I have broken things off with T....

It did not end well, I have decided to keep my suspected health situation to myself. Although I am now quite certain I am indeed pregnant, I have chosen to keep this knowledge to myself until I have officially visited my obgyn next Wednesday.

Bored on a Saturday

I am so very bored today.....

I'm not liking this at all. While at first I was captivated by T, I am now slightly disillusioned to the whole thing.

Perhaps I am selfish, perhaps I am not, either way, I want more. I want more then just his spare time, I want his full attention.

Something I can not have.

It's time for me to move on, time to find the individual who can inspire me to write again, or at the very least, time to find someone who will give me something to write about.

This may be put on hold, however, for this morning I had symptoms of morning sickness. Even though the pregnancy tests had returned a negative response, I have yet to start my period, and I am now feeling ill in the morning hours.

Happy HNT

From the corner of my eye......

I see you watching me, discreetly.

I wonder what you are thinking, your chair turned ever so slightly in my direction. I see your reflection in the monitor before me, head turned, gazing in my direction. Nobody is around, but you do not have the courage to talk to me.

I take advantage of the situation.

On 'accident' my pen falls beside my chair, the side facing you. I lean down, absently, to retrieve the pen, my peasant blouse falling away exposing a good portion of my breasts to you. I know you are looking, I know you have seen, your breathing has given you away. It is now louder, deeper.

I turn back to my monitor in time to see your reflection stand quickly and leave quietly.

To where, I can only guess, as I smile into my own reflection on the monitor before me.

Just a Peek at the Lady with a Secret

The Handsome Stranger

I find myself attracted to someone I have never met, someone whom I've only once spoken briefly to on the phone, someone whom I've only seen in a photo.

But it has happened.

He reads this blog, this is how we first met. In a sweet little email he contacted me one day, telling me how much he liked my writing, my pictures. I couldn't help but reply back, intrigued, curious to hear more. Months have now gone by, with each passing day I wonder how he is, what he is doing.

I do not tell him this.

Instead I flirt with him, tease him, tell him about my day. I smile when he responds in turn, wishing for just a little more.

Maybe one day I will get my chance to have, just a little more.

(Yes, Cabana Boy, this post is about you.)

Tasty Tuesday

I flashed him my wicked little smile, kneeling before him, slowly smoothing my hand over the hardening bulge in the front of his slacks.

"God I've missed you," his words were barely audible as he sat with his head back, eyes shut.

"I've missed you too," I replied, gently squeezing his cock and stroking through the material of his slacks.

Leaning into me, his hands traveled up the length of my body, beneath my silk top, resting finally upon the soft skin of my breasts, kneading them in his palms.

"You have the most fantastic titties," he laughed, smiling mischievously at me, pinching my nipples between his thumb and forefingers.

"Why, thank you Handsome," flinging my blouse to the other side of his office, I leaned in and kissed him hard upon the lips. Unable to hold out any longer, I quickly stripped him naked, eager to fuck him silly.

"I want to feel that wet pussy," he moaned, my mouth sliding up and down the length of his cock.

Standing before him, I quickly removed the remainder of my clothes before finally sitting upon his lap, facing him, legs spread to each side of him.

Aching desperately for him, my back arched dramatically as he slowly slid his finger between the folds of my skin.

"You're so wet baby," he whispered, his lips traveled across my neck and chest before finding their way to my own.

"I'm wet for you baby," my hips thrust into his hand, my teeth biting gently at his lower lip, my right hand slowly stroking his ever hardening cock.

A Sweet Little Note

(the below text taken from an email from T this morning)

HI baby,
I really miss you terribly
and am dieing to see you. I hope to hear from you.
T

I'm dying to see him as well, it has been 2 weeks since we were together last. 2 weeks of hunger, 2 weeks of lust, 2 weeks of want.

Our meeting Tuesday is an eternity away.

Prognosis Negative

While I am absolutely relieved that I am indeed, NOT pregnant, I'm baffled at the same time.

It is now 11 days past due, and no period in sight. No PMS, no nothing.

So, here I sit, on a sunny Sunday afternoon, researching possible causes of my missed period. I know it isn't menopause, I'm only 32 years old. I'm not pregnant, both tests, taken on 2 separate days, have both come back negative. I'm at a loss.

I have read an article, however, that has given me a plausible reason for my missed period.

Stress.

Believe it or not, a woman who is under great amounts of stress will from time to time miss her menstrual flow. As wacky as this sounds, I am prone to believe this theory. I have been under so much stress for the past few weeks that I've literally reached the point of insanity and somehow made my way back.

Only time will tell, I am eager to see what next month brings.

Fear

I believe I may be in trouble. And.... not the good kind.

Because T is still shooting live rounds, I have taken it upon myself to ensure I can not get pregnant by our secret meetings. Twice now I have gone to the doctor on the precise day required for the birth control shot, up until this moment, everything had gone according to clockwork.

Until this month.

I have missed my period and fear the worst. Even though I have yet to take a home pregnancy test, I know something is wrong. Every month, beginning the month I got my first shot, I have started my period within the first 4 days of the month. It is now day 7 and PMS signs are nowhere in sight.

At first I believed February's short month had thrown off my schedule. It is now the 7th and I no longer believe this to be the case. I cross my fingers and hope for the best but I fear the worst.

Tomorrow I shall officially put my fears to rest. I will be purchasing a home pregnancy test and facing my fears.

Anyone who may still be reading this blog, please cross your fingers for me.

Afternoon Delight

I spent the entire day with T today....

In T's words, "You really know how to wear out an old guy." I had fun doing so, and explained to him that was my goal. I then chastised him, 42 was most certainly not old!

His intricacies intrigue me, I find myself unconsciously studying him, trying to decipher what makes him tick.

T has a thing for panties, I was told this time HE would be the one to remove them. In our last encounter, I had yanked my panties off in a lustful tizzy, unable to wait for him to remove them for me.

This time, I waited. Anxiously, wantonly, barely able to contain myself from ripping them off once again, yet I waited.

With my pink lace panties still in place, he slid his hand inside, inserting 2 fingers deep, thrusting until I was warm with need for him and the moans came one after another for him.

My hips lifted from the bed with each thrust of his hand, I placed my left foot on his hard cock and began stroking him in unison with his thrusts.

"You're gonna make me cum baby," he moaned out.

"Oh... not yet," I pouted a little, the left foot remained exactly where it was.

"God I love how you wrap me around your little finger," he growled out, removing his fingers to tear off my panties.

Smiling wickedly up at him as he knelt before me, I turned over on my hands and knees, spreading my legs wide. Strong hands held my shoulders as he thrusted between my legs, entering me with one stroke.

Unable to stop myself, I wiggled my hips from side to side, pushing back into him, my loins ached for release.

I came with his finger in my ass hole, his cock in my pussy, and his right hand pulling my hair.

I loved every second of it.

Someone New

I've begun a scandalous affair with a man I will call T.

By scandalous I refer to the fact that he is a substance abuse counselor who works in a rehabilitation center, all the while, attending college classes to obtain his masters degree. He is married with 2 kids, if found out, our little affair could possibly ruin his life.

Needless to say, it's a good thing I'm so good with secrets.

I can't help but smile, at this moment, as I think back to our 'meeting' Tuesday night. Late again, I was driving entirely too fast when my phone ran. It was T and I was 5 minutes late already.

T thrives on promptness, I am entirely turned on by this fact.

Pouting a little, I explained to him how my meeting had run late, I would be there as soon as I could, and I would most certainly make it up to him for his inconvenience.

Which I had done, gladly....

We agreed to meet at the hotel, he had been watching through the window, anxiously awaiting my arrival. He was perched at the top of the stairwell, in the foyer, when I finally passed through the front double doors. Looking up, I couldn't help but smile at his devilish smile beaming down at me. So handsome, his dockers were neatly pressed, his dark green button down shirt crisp and fresh.

Placing an arm about my waist as he met me at the stairs, he asked how my drive was, then asked what color panties I was wearing.

I had worn the red ones, just as he requested.

They didn't remain on me for very long. Upon entering the room, I found myself inside his embrace, his hands cupping my ass, pulling it toward him as he thrust his hardening cock toward me.

T undressed me as I undressed him, his cock firmly in my grasp as we lay down beside each other on the bed. Our kisses were electric, tingles traveled through me as he kissed his way across my neck and chest, his lips finally resting on my right breast, suckling the nipple, lightly biting at it.

My hand was wet with the precum that was now continuously oozing. Pushing up on all fours, I licked his balls slowly, gently sliding my toungue up until I was at the head of his cock. He was wet and salty, my tongue circled around his head until I had tasted him completely. Squeezing the base of his cock with my hand, I placed the head of his cock in my mouth and sucked in gently, slowly.

"I want inside you," he moaned.

Depression

Since R has begun his latest project in Atlanta things seem to have steadily gone downhill for me.

I miss him so much, way too much. And, I've broken things off with him, telling him to finish his project, we'll see where things are at when he is back full time.

What was I thinking??

Now I am alone, with the exception of J, my play thing. I tease him, string him along, yet he continues to stay right there, right where I want him.

I was sitting at my desk today, head in my hands for a moment, wondering just what the hell it is I'm doing with my life, when he appeared, pulling out a chair to sit down next to me.

"You ok today?" he placed his left hand on my back, leaning in to hear what I had to say.

"Yes, I was just thinking," I could feel myself staring absently into his eyes.

"You're presentation went very well this morning," he was smiling, trying to reassure me. "Oh, the coffee, yum yum!"

"I didn't know what kind you liked. It was bold, I told the lady behind the counter you looked like a bold kind of guy," smiling, finally, something had gotten my mind off of R.

"Bold, huh...." puffing out his chest, I could see the machismo building in his ego.

My back was growing warm where his hand rested upon it, giggling, I leaned into him just a touch more. "Such a comic, you can always make me smile."

"I wish you would let me do more then just make you smile," sliding his hand from my back to my shoulder, he squeezed it quickly then stood.

My old self would have taken him up on the offer in a heart beat. I want my old self back.

At the Office

Ignoring the phone as it rang beside me, I stared blankly at the computer screen before me. I have so much to do and no ambition to do it, I hate when I'm unhappy.

"What's the matter babe," he said to me, snapping me back to reality. Spinning my chair around to face him, J knelt down before me.

"I'm fine," my tone was light and airy, but he could tell from my expression it was not how I felt.

"Now, you don't look so fine," placing his hands upon my thighs, he leaned in to look into my eyes. "I'm sorry I was acting like such and asshole, you didn't deserve it."

Smiling just a little, I looked away from him, then placed my own hands upon his. "It's ok."

"It's not ok, let me make it up to you, what do you say?" Looking once more into his eyes, I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Ok," J returned back to the standing position at the sound of footsteps headed in our direction.

With a wink he headed back to his desk.