I feel like you have opened a door letting in fresh air.

-Amelia


Truer words could not have been spoken. It's amazing, really, the way I feel today. I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders, a weight that I had been carrying for far to long, a weight I had no idea I was even bearing.

I also promise to begin posting regularly again, I miss it. My blog is the one place where I can be me, I can express the things I can't normally express, a place where I can state my thoughts and express my desires, document my experiences and revisit them with fond memories.

One of the many things I decided to do after my husband left was to remove the personal things related to him. Anyone who has lived in a situation such as I had been knows there are certain articles of clothing you wore only for your husband, and certain articles of clothing you wore for your lover. I do not want for you to think I did any of that out of anger, because, I really didn't. Everything is packed away in nice neat storage boxes, I have still not decided exactly what I intend on doing with everything. I have done this because I want for things to be right. I have gone so far as to pack up the bedding that was on my bed, new experiences require new beginnings. You can't have a new beginning with something that contains memories of another man.

Last night marks the first time R has ever entered my bedroom, let alone, spent the night in my home. His nervousness was like an aphrodisiac to me, to say I was turned on by it is quite the understatement.

I lay in R's arms with my head on his chest, my arm nestled around his waist. So comfortable, so warm, his hand on my shoulder slowly rubbing my skin, every moment we had together has been permanently fused into my memory, the first night we were together on the up and up. Nervousness and excitement on my part kept me awake most of the night, R kept me awake the rest of the night. And I loved every second of it.

The most amazing part was waking this morning with his arms still about me, holding me tight.