Until Friday

When he spoke, what tender words he used! So softly, that like flakes of feathered snow, They melted as they fell.

-John Dryden


I was bathing my little guy when he called. The phone rang twice before I had the courage to answer it, my heart was consumed with fear.

He questioned why it took so long for me to answer the phone, then laughed as he heard the playful splashes in the background. "When I get back I want you to give me a bath too," he teased.

"I, um, we need to........." I was stammering. I couldn't do it. He immediately sense something was upsetting me.

"What's going on?" his voice was a little stern. I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes. I steadied myself and began to speak again.

"[R], I don't think we should see each other anymore." Tears were steadily flowing down my cheeks, my heart pounded in my chest. My little guy began asking me why Mommy was crying. I shushed him lightly.

"Are you crying? Why are you crying? What in the hell is going on?" R's voice echoed from the receiver. He was upset, he never raised his voice to me.

"Why did you have to say it??" I was openly crying now, my voice trembled as I spoke.

"Please don't do this to me......." a much more soothing tone had replaced the initial sternness. "I'll be back on Friday...... We can talk Friday......." he was beginning to plead.

"Ok," my breaths were coming in quick hitched gasps. I had promised myself I wasn't going to do this. I was silently chastising myself.

The phone conversation ended with R softly telling me that we were going to work things out. I was angry with myself for not being stronger, for not being able to keep the upper hand.