How it feels to be a man when....

While reading an article in a magazine this morning, I can across this. I loved it, I had to share.

How it feels to get over being a player

One night, as I lay in bed next to an intelligent, affectionate, sensitive woman whose head was tucked sweetly against my shoulder, I started to feel my usual suffocating gloom. Yes, was nice-maybe it was even happiness. but, I didn't want to feel happy. I couldn't fall asleep, so I slid the covers aside and dressed in silence. I gave her an apologetic kiss goodbye and deserted. I paused to button my coat, glanced up at her window and noticed her looking down at me. Her arms were crossed and her hair was a gorgeous mess. We stared at each other for a good long minute and then I found myself grinning. She smiled back, shaking her head. Suddenly, I wasn't scared of her. I wasn't scared of needing her. Why was I going home to an empty apartment when I could curl up next to her soft body in her big white bed? I took the three steps back up to her front door in one leap.

It immediately brought back memories of R, in the very beginning. Our conversations were always very brief and laced with strong sexual under tones, only in person, he never called me nor I him. Many stories flew around the office of his sexual escapades and many trysts he had partaken in. For me, the last thing I wanted was for my coworkers to now add my name to that list.

The day came that the business deal was complete. I wouldn't be seeing him around the office anymore, I fully assumed he would be moving on to his next conquest. In silent misery, I kept it to myself, nobody was the wiser.

As a reward, R's company had sent him on a full expenses paid vacation where he would stay in one of their company condos and just plain enjoy himself. 2 days had passed when I received my first phone call from R. I was at work, sitting at my desk, and the first words out of his mouth were "How's my girl today?" We spent the next 45 minutes talking about what he had eaten on the plane and the old woman who kept sitting on the lounge chair in front of his condo and how his eyelids were sunburned from falling asleep on the patio.

When it came time for the conversation to come to a close, R had made a comment that had stunned and shocked me, pulling at my heart strings for just a moment. "I don't know what you have done to me, but I just can't get you out of my mind. God damn I miss you."

I missed him too. As selfish and jealous as it may sound, I was thrilled he wasn't having any fun without me.